I agree with you, Piggie. But I find Chinese people are less dedicatory to their marriage nowadays. They are not tend to satisfy themselves through simply pleasing his/her partner.

Individualism possibly has the meaning that people do everything as if the ego is the center and they satisfy themselves at the best of times. Talking about marriage does not really mean people have to face the concept of collectivism. Anyway, I don't think collectivism is a suitable word here.

God, your English is so perfect.

I can't recognize you indeed!:)

话不多说,你pang了诶！！

I bet old couples would think this discussion meaningless. They would say:"Just do it or not".

Hot topic! So..................hot.

It seems like you regard individualism and collectivism as antithetic to each other.  I don’t necessarily agree with that position, as they are just different forms of rational choice adopted in different social contexts, in this case, China and the US.  A lot of Chinese can be quite loyal to collectivism in China, but have a highly individualistic approach to relationships in the States.  For better or worse, Chinese people are not prone to fundamentalist principles.  The reason they conform to collectivism is probably because deviation from collectivism is more costly.  Of course, we have to take into account the issues of path dependency and habitus, which make adjustment to a new social milieu more difficult and make people more consistent.  Moreover, we must admit people who are stubborn and more or less masochistic do exist, however small in number, and we must respect them, given rarity itself is something valuable in a world in which everything is mass produced.  However, I share your belief that individualism is morally preferable to collectivism, especially for high IQ people.  Unfortunately, I am stubborn and not very intelligent. 

Piggie, you stepped faster than me. I began writing before you, but finished later. Kinda happy to see there are some common points in your comment as mine: " Love and relationship are meant for fun. If you don't feel happy any more and even start to suffer, it is time to end it and move on."-----"when the communication channel for the relationship is intercepted, the relationship is dead. "

Let's first think about relationship. How can we difine it? put it another way, what is the definition of relationship? a connection between hearts or between bodies? If it is the later, then I have to say,it is none of the business of individualistic/collectivistic issues. If it is the former, well, then am I right to say that relationship is a kinda feeling in heart?

 

Whatever your answer is going to be, let's then think about 'marriage'. What is marriage? Two individuals with high IQ meet with each other under some specified situation. Then after a specified period, their IQ becomes so low that they believe in collectivism. Then after another specified period, their IQ gradually returns. They herein realize that they are naturally two individuals. Consequently, they get the idea to escape from their ever-believed collectivism. Am I trying to demonstrate that marriage is kind of belief---belief in heart?Yes, I am.

 

So now, let's review relationship and marriage. Should it be reasonable if I say they are inherently the same---feeling in heart? No, or Yes? Whichever, feeling needs to transfer, between heart and heart, just like flood needs a way to pass through, from the upstream to downstream. What is the equivalent of transfer? Yes, you smart has noticed it from the title of this blog: "all about communication".

 

When the communication pipe for the marriage is blocked, the marriage is dead; when the communication channel for the relationship is intercepted, the relationship is dead.

That is so true and so right, girl. One thing I found striking about the Americans is that they are constant on a lookout for better partners who they feel more attracted to, even when they are in a relationship already. If they find someone they enjoy being with more, then they just split with the current one and move on. And they don't normally feel bad or morally repugnant about this (provided that they don't cheat, which is a different matter). The point is to satisfy oneself.

 

On the contrary, Chinese people are more concerned about how to make the other happy, instead of making themselves happy. They tend to stay in a relationship even if it doesn't work very well, because they feel the "responsibility" to entertain the other. To change partner is widely condemned.

 

I don't necessarily embrace the American way, but I do feel some Chinese people should think more for themselves and live at the present. Love and relationship are meant for fun. If you don't feel happy any more and even start to suffer, it is time to end it and move on. Life is short and it is pointless trying to make someone happy at the cost of your own well-being.

P.S. Yeah, you're right. The reason I finally chose to break up with my ex is that I decided my individuality and independence and my parents are much much more important than his.

Well, I don't believe in "forever", let alone "marriage". "Relationship" is maybe easier than "marriage", 'cause it does not necessarily involve big promises and commitment. The good thing is I still believe in "love", but love fades away quickly nowadays. Maybe it's because people change fast these days. Too much seduction. Just can't help it.

communication....it solves all. All relationships are built up, developed, and eliminated through communication. Some communication is for setting up the connection; some is for maintaining this connection; some is for removing this connection. All about relationships---all about communication.

piggie,i have not met you for a long time.

wants to see you again,MSN:)

 

Gu